Saved

Calmness dominates the background but there is a chaos of emotions inside her. She wished to say something. She hoped she could but words seem to escape het the moment she attempts to. This rambling of emotions and words is slowly eating up her sanity. The next thing she knows epinephrine rushes into her veins causing a sense of semi-euphoria and courageousness.

> I know I'm not very vocal about things and most of the time I'm insensitive about your feelings but believe me I'm damned thankful you are here.

> (smiles) Kaw talaga Mitch

That smile bears more significance than words. I don't know why but words are very confusing. They usually lead us to the long track.

That smile meant a lot for me. It saved me many times.

> (speechless... half smiling but almost crying)

I want us to stay like this for now. I loved the understandings we derive in between the lines. That smile alone is enough for me to gain confirmation that regardless of everything were still here together. I'm certain that someone will save me in case my whole life crumbles.

---
*The distance is making us stronger.

*Thanks talaga
*For "posterior"

Purgatory

Stranded in this horizon
where heaven is abreath away
and hell lies in heart beat.

Irony fills the landscape,
mixing love and bitterness
in one strand.

Forgiveness rarely grows,
restrained by the shallowness
of its roots.

The coldness of the air
is matched by the burning passions
of ecstacy and misery.

It is our rightful place
The land of the damned souls
Inferno's paradise
Purgatory

Senseless

Submerge my senses
in your Omnipotence
because
I believe

I can feel
your promise
of everlasting love
in every whip of cruelty
I feel loved
I feel numb

I can see
your divine interventions
in every
child on the street
I can clearly see
I am blind

I can smell
your gift of peace
in every
gun powder burned
and rotten casualty of war
I can smell it perfectly
I am nauseous

I can hear
you healing words
in every
dying man
and weeping wife
I can hear them enjoying
I am deaf

I believe
more and more
your infinite power
and undying love
I am numb
I am blind
I am nauseous
I am deaf
Thanks to you.

Sorry

If I suddenly disappear in this world please don't blame me. I have long been bleeding and fighting. I have exhausted all the means to continue. I give up and give in to what the Fates told me. This world is too much and it had consumed me. This act ironic it may seem is the only way to preserve the things that remains in me.

Eventually

It's been a long time since we had a talk. I believe there is a great reason why were here. Again.

I thought you don't need me anymore?

I'm not here because I need you.

So why?

I want answers. No I mean I want clarification on things, feelings and living.

I thought you're done asking.

I am but life is not. I am falling apart.

So what’s new about it? It's natural

Its not new I admit but this time I fully intended it.

You want to know why? You just want to be found or perhaps saved like everyone else.

Saved?

We bury ourselves in madness, passion, jealousy and injustice to know life. We search for ideals and philosophies that could free us but at the same time incarcerate us. We slit our arms and let it bleed to feel pain and learn. We self inflict wounds and bare them in public as badges to be found saved and eventually…

The world is an irony.

That's a fact and no one can change that.

That eventuality is absurd. Of all people I never thought I would hear that from you.

Change and irony my friend, two words you should always bear in mind.

I'm tired. What will happen if I’m never found?

Sadism and Numbness

If love was anything in my life it would be a poison. It killed me several times (probably 3 times probably, once seriously). But death is not really its side effects. There are things worst than that and it is like enduring a torment of being skinned alive and tearing you piece by piece each day. But being subjected to such cruelty is satisfying to those who are born with an inner drive to inflict pain in return of divine assurance that they are indeed alive. It doesn't matter if you loose yourself in the process because it brings you contentment in ways far more effective than happiness. It is because pain is the true nature of all things blessed and beautiful.

In the middle of it you walk barefoot, naked and bleeding, vulnerable from all threats of existence but still you rejoice for it. Congratulations you are now addicted to it and your system desires for more. Maybe the poison was concocted with Morphine (but that really doesn't matter).

After a year (4 years in my case) you reached the end of this tormenting journey/near death experience. You're no longer naked but coated with powerful ammunitions or essential knowledge against that poison. It is so essential that its impact to your life is as powerful as an A-bomb. You are no longer barefoot and now you are already bulletproofed. And lastly you are no longer bleeding. Your adrenalin had vanished but your body have evolved and devised ways to grow immune from those beatings. Now you see the light and regain consciousness. You are free from the poison’s curse and you have developed an impressive and effective antidote.

Then you wondered, thank, regret, ponder and ask will you ever feel again?